every second

I hate those bad dreams...I hate those bad news... I wanna soak up every single second of my life! I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away anymore! I want to try even if it might hurts me someday...I wanna FEEL... I want to love every second no matter how hard it may be!

Got a lovely message!

... from my Brazilian friend Juliana:-). I met her in Ireland and she is one of the most important people I've met there. She is always positive and full of energy but the most important thing is - I just know I can count on her in every situation! I haven't seen her since June last year and I MISS HER SO MUCH!!! And we both totally believe in our energy :-) Becouse, as I used to say : my heart belong to Scandinavia but my soul is Brazilian!

LOVE

After long talk with the very best person I just can't stop thinking about LOVE...What does "falling in love" mean? Or what it means "to love someone"? And the question that's bothering me the most - what LOVE means to me? Would I be able to sucrifice myself for love?

Just a few weeks ago I said "I would do anything for love... and... I would sacrifice anything for unconditional love" ...but 2day? I'm still looking for the answer...and I'm wondering what "anything" means?

I don't believe in "crazy love" coz I know the line between love and craziness is very thin...and it's easy to cross the border...and I do not believe in words, coz it's easy to say them...
BUT
I am able to believe in "mature, adult love" with TRUST and UNDERSTANDING... and I do believe in "no matter what you say but who you are and how you act..."

...and just a few days ago I have written on this blog "I do not believe in love anymore"...but now I'm wondering...maybe I believe in love but don't believe in people? Love is all around - love is easy...but people make it complicated.
We can't fight for love, we can't take it easy...we make mistakes and we regret them quickly...trying to right the wrong but sometimes it's just too late... becouse the truth is it's not enough to find the RIGHT PERSON, but the place and the time need to be RIGHT too...

Nowadays I am sure I wouldn't be able to sucrifice my passions, my dreams and the way I am and how I see the world for love... but still - I could do A LOT - but the question is: does true love mean to sacrifice for someone we love?

HOPE

The only feeling I am affraid of right now is HOPE... don't wanna get my hopes up too much...

bye bye my finnish spirit...

OH! I am feeling lonely! Empty bed and no more finnish spirit around me...no more lovely finnish accent and silly chitchat! Emma left yesterday and I already miss her so much! She is such a positive girl, very open and "not finnish at all" haha. It's great feeling when you welcome foreign friend in your own country! I was a bit afraid at the beginning, coz I know how Finland looks and how different Poland is, but...Emma left totally in love with Poland, polish food, polish guys(!) and even my polish family:-). Everything what looks poor to me looked charming to her, she truly understand polish history - 50 years of communism, and always says "Poland isn't worst, just different" so even I have to believe her :-). She visited Warsaw, Krakow, Auschwitz, my home village and some others places... It's good that she could see not only the nicest and richest towns but the poorest and oldest parts of Poland as well.

My family liked her so much and now my mum is in love with finnish people:-) ... and still keep asking me who next gonna visit us! I was very positive surprised coz even if my parents can't speak english, they were very nice, open and treated Emma as their own daughter. I know those few days mean a lot to Emma and it makes me even more happy!

And the time with my friend, travelling around Poland and discovering my country once again, helped me realize how lucky am I. My life is great! I have many friends around the world, many memoirs, many places that I have been visited and I love and even more that I still would like to visit! I have great family that I can always count on and finally study stuff that truly interested me:) I fulfilled most of my dreams, and the most important - I can afford a weekend trip to my beloved Oslo, Cork, Helsinki or other destination when I am surrounded by reality that I am tired of...How could I ask for more?!

The Lucky One.

I'm lying in my empty bed... surrounded by burning candles...listening "This is the life" and thinking...about life. I am The Lucky One. I'm laughing when I am happy, I'm crying when I am sad...I'm feeling I am ALIVE. And I'm happy with who I am :-)

The feeling

I know the feeling when you would like to change your life but you just can't...
I know the feeling when the person you love rejects you without any reason...
I know the feeling when one of the most important people in your life passed away and left you totally alone...
I know the feeling when you want to help someone who needs your help more than ever but you just can't find any way...
I know the feeling when youre sure you just don't belong to this world coz youre surrounded by totally different people...
I know the feeling when your world explodes into millions pieces and you can’t find any motivation to live...


But also

I know the feeling when you know you mean something to someone...:-)
I know the feeling when after hard work your dreams become true...:-)
I know the feeling when your heart explodes from happiness and you're sure you can “touch the sky” and "impossible in nothing"...:-)
I know the feeling when you hear first word or see first step of a little human...or when you hear “I love you, you can be my nanny”...:-)
I know the feeling when after long time looking for place you belong to you have finally found it...:-)
And I know the feeling when someone tells you “you are my ray of light” – and this mean A LOT to me...:-)

Life includes amazing moments but unfortunately the sad ones as well. We all have made some mistakes, but there is still hope…I truly believe we learn about those and they make us not only wiser but also stronger :-).