every second

I hate those bad dreams...I hate those bad news... I wanna soak up every single second of my life! I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away anymore! I want to try even if it might hurts me someday...I wanna FEEL... I want to love every second no matter how hard it may be!

Got a lovely message!

... from my Brazilian friend Juliana:-). I met her in Ireland and she is one of the most important people I've met there. She is always positive and full of energy but the most important thing is - I just know I can count on her in every situation! I haven't seen her since June last year and I MISS HER SO MUCH!!! And we both totally believe in our energy :-) Becouse, as I used to say : my heart belong to Scandinavia but my soul is Brazilian!

LOVE

After long talk with the very best person I just can't stop thinking about LOVE...What does "falling in love" mean? Or what it means "to love someone"? And the question that's bothering me the most - what LOVE means to me? Would I be able to sucrifice myself for love?

Just a few weeks ago I said "I would do anything for love... and... I would sacrifice anything for unconditional love" ...but 2day? I'm still looking for the answer...and I'm wondering what "anything" means?

I don't believe in "crazy love" coz I know the line between love and craziness is very thin...and it's easy to cross the border...and I do not believe in words, coz it's easy to say them...
BUT
I am able to believe in "mature, adult love" with TRUST and UNDERSTANDING... and I do believe in "no matter what you say but who you are and how you act..."

...and just a few days ago I have written on this blog "I do not believe in love anymore"...but now I'm wondering...maybe I believe in love but don't believe in people? Love is all around - love is easy...but people make it complicated.
We can't fight for love, we can't take it easy...we make mistakes and we regret them quickly...trying to right the wrong but sometimes it's just too late... becouse the truth is it's not enough to find the RIGHT PERSON, but the place and the time need to be RIGHT too...

Nowadays I am sure I wouldn't be able to sucrifice my passions, my dreams and the way I am and how I see the world for love... but still - I could do A LOT - but the question is: does true love mean to sacrifice for someone we love?

HOPE

The only feeling I am affraid of right now is HOPE... don't wanna get my hopes up too much...

bye bye my finnish spirit...

OH! I am feeling lonely! Empty bed and no more finnish spirit around me...no more lovely finnish accent and silly chitchat! Emma left yesterday and I already miss her so much! She is such a positive girl, very open and "not finnish at all" haha. It's great feeling when you welcome foreign friend in your own country! I was a bit afraid at the beginning, coz I know how Finland looks and how different Poland is, but...Emma left totally in love with Poland, polish food, polish guys(!) and even my polish family:-). Everything what looks poor to me looked charming to her, she truly understand polish history - 50 years of communism, and always says "Poland isn't worst, just different" so even I have to believe her :-). She visited Warsaw, Krakow, Auschwitz, my home village and some others places... It's good that she could see not only the nicest and richest towns but the poorest and oldest parts of Poland as well.

My family liked her so much and now my mum is in love with finnish people:-) ... and still keep asking me who next gonna visit us! I was very positive surprised coz even if my parents can't speak english, they were very nice, open and treated Emma as their own daughter. I know those few days mean a lot to Emma and it makes me even more happy!

And the time with my friend, travelling around Poland and discovering my country once again, helped me realize how lucky am I. My life is great! I have many friends around the world, many memoirs, many places that I have been visited and I love and even more that I still would like to visit! I have great family that I can always count on and finally study stuff that truly interested me:) I fulfilled most of my dreams, and the most important - I can afford a weekend trip to my beloved Oslo, Cork, Helsinki or other destination when I am surrounded by reality that I am tired of...How could I ask for more?!

The Lucky One.

I'm lying in my empty bed... surrounded by burning candles...listening "This is the life" and thinking...about life. I am The Lucky One. I'm laughing when I am happy, I'm crying when I am sad...I'm feeling I am ALIVE. And I'm happy with who I am :-)

The feeling

I know the feeling when you would like to change your life but you just can't...
I know the feeling when the person you love rejects you without any reason...
I know the feeling when one of the most important people in your life passed away and left you totally alone...
I know the feeling when you want to help someone who needs your help more than ever but you just can't find any way...
I know the feeling when youre sure you just don't belong to this world coz youre surrounded by totally different people...
I know the feeling when your world explodes into millions pieces and you can’t find any motivation to live...


But also

I know the feeling when you know you mean something to someone...:-)
I know the feeling when after hard work your dreams become true...:-)
I know the feeling when your heart explodes from happiness and you're sure you can “touch the sky” and "impossible in nothing"...:-)
I know the feeling when you hear first word or see first step of a little human...or when you hear “I love you, you can be my nanny”...:-)
I know the feeling when after long time looking for place you belong to you have finally found it...:-)
And I know the feeling when someone tells you “you are my ray of light” – and this mean A LOT to me...:-)

Life includes amazing moments but unfortunately the sad ones as well. We all have made some mistakes, but there is still hope…I truly believe we learn about those and they make us not only wiser but also stronger :-).

being a friend

I do not have many friends...but I know I am a friend to many people...and it's nice to know you mean something to someone :-)

TO BE or TO HAVE

My professor told me 2day the very important sentence : " I had time when I was VERY rich but then, in one week, I lost everything...and it was the best and the most important moment in my life".

TO BE or TO HAVE?
I have chosen the first one.

the story of her life

Once upon a time there was a girl...full of love and positive energy...people loved her and she loved people. She's been living in small village for all her childhood but she wasn't 100% happy... she was like a betterfly without wings there.. At her 18 she decided to leave the village as soon as she finish her school, what she did. She was travelling, meeting people, doing crazy but positive stuff. She belonged to world and loved her life. She was free...and then about time she needed to move again. But before that, she decided to visit home for a little while. The trip took few days and it was the most wonderful time in her life. She met a guy and she felt into him. Unfortunately they both realized the trip is going to end very soon. He had his plans, and she couldn't change hers...but they really like each other so decided to keep in touch. Week after week she likes him more...counted the days till see him again...And one day when she truly realized how much she is into him...but there was a little thing, little stupid thing that she forgot about... At the same day the guy told her that he doesn't want to know her anymore...her heart exploded into milion pieces...after some time, when she could catch her breatch again, she realized the only thing she needs now is her family. The best family ever. She decided to go home... but even there, she felt lost. She couldn't stay - it was too diffcult to her - she had to go away... chose one of the countries that she never wanted to go before. She wanted stay away from people, parties and any opportunity to meet cool guys. She didin't want to be in love again... but the place she had chosen for her new life was wonderful and she met many nice folks... she started trevelling and going out.. and of course she couldn't stay away from guys.. she met many nice guys but liked just one. A guy she could talk with, guy with good personality and pasions.. And everything would be great but... there was still one problem - her past. Soon she realized that the feeling she had before it was NOTHING , but at the same time she couldn't forget how hard it might be at the end.. so she missed her change to be happy again and later on couldn't understand why she was so stupid...it took her a long time to realized she wasn't stupid at all...she just wanted safe her heart...but probably chose the wrong way to do it...

This story is sad but might be a good lesson of life. Past always influence our present and future. But we shouldn't been stuck there. We are looking for a love but at the same time we are afraid of getting hurt...and probably this is a reason why people are choosing one night stand insted of normal relationship...

Life Without Secrets

I've been visiting Cork for last 6 days but now I'm finally at home. 6 days... and that's enough for me. I'm not enough strong to stay there longer. I remember how I felt few months ago when I had to leave Ireland. I was sad, utter disappointed, confused...and then my first weeks in Poland...probably the worst time in my life...only sadness...so I was a bit worry what might happen when all these memories come back to me...But I was ok, and my friends were there with me...:-).
It was a good time but it was a difficult time as well. I'm very happy I saw my friends again and all those places that I used to love in Cork. But I couldn't imagine to be part of this life again. Life without any secrets, life where things happen and be sure you will find out everything soon or later... life where noone is taking responsibility for words, behav.. and no matter if somebody gets hurt.

I've been traveling a lot for last 5 years, I've lived with many different people, I have seen how people act when they love to much and what they can do when they really hate... and even if I don't believe in love anymore, I still keep trying to believe in people...even if it's hard sometimes...

But I really care about my friends, and no matter what happened or what is going to happen, friendship is the most important thing to me and if you need me I am here for you guys! Always.