Very Merry my Dearest Friends!

Merry Christmas to all of you;-)
I'm having a crazy time now and I love it!
I don't have any dreams, I only have ideas that will come true soon or later, and I'm sure about that. No doubts. Pure happiness.

Hope all of you can be as happy as I am! - and that's my wish for you ;-)

do something amazing - give blood ;-)

I gave blood 2day ;-) My hand still hurts but I believe it's worth. You never know when you may need someone's help. Or whose life your blood may safe. And the best reason why we should do that is simple - just coz it feels good to do something for others, and we all like feel good ;-). And you can also get 6 different bars of chocolate!... and coffee;)

So after all day at school (eating chocolate) I'm finally at my apartment, feel quite ok. Ate healthy dinner and now waiting for coffee...
While laying at my couch with laptop on my knees I'm listening new COMA album, called COMA "Symfonicznie". Some time ago we could admired how great job Metallica did by playing with symphony orchestra, and now, best polish rock band decide to do the same. I think they did pretty good job! Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMx-dajI-HY&feature=related - my fav song;-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZobQ-vB6oc&feature=related - from 3.50 minute music is just brilliant!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzptsqSBPUo&feature=related - this song is beautiful...

Shame the quality isn't good. But they're having the best lyrics I have ever heard...

and another - old one, "happiness takes my breath away, lemons afternoons with you"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMx-dajI-HY&feature=related

and some with english subtitles:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7V8aWBXIqs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baI1F1BCVTI&feature=related

"I need to cure myself from pain and fear, where is the man who just like that will show me how? who will show me how?...Sometimes I prefer to be so alone, to dance awkardly upon the edge on evil, and even touch the very bottom, SOMETIMES THAT'S BETTER THAN TENDERNESS OF YOUR STRANGER HANDS"... The very best lyrics.

Enjoy polish music;-)

.............

http://montegobayjamaicaresorts.com/jamaica-travel-tourism.jpg


There is 'one thing' I can't stand - dishonesty, hypocrisy and duplicity. I try not to hurt people by purpose but if I see that someone is runs somebody's down behind the back I'm the one who says " sorry, but u doing wrong" and I don't care if I talk to my friend or to stranger, I do not like behav like that. People are too afraid of being honest so they prefer just kick around,it's easy and you can keep so many friends! Even if you hate most of them - hypocrisy! I hate it.
And of course I'm the bad one. Just becouse I'm not afraid of saying what I'm thinking about people like that...so 2day I heard "anna,for fuck saik, how you could say that! that was mean!". So the answer is : I COULD SAY THAT COZ I'VE BEEN TIRED OF THIS SHIT WAY TO LONG!

...give me a joint and take me to Jamaica somebody please...

how to not love myself?!

hahahaha my mum said im crazy but unfortunately i have to disagree, i was crazy when i was young...now im just enjoying the life! :P

o yeah, i didint mention what it is all about...so, yesterday i did some christmas shopping for my norwegian family (can't believe it's been almost 2,5 years since i moved from Norge, time flies!), saw some pics from Norway taken by my friend who is studying there and after that i just got such 'norwegian homesick'!

so... it took exactly one minute to book ticket to Norway!!! lovely;-)

and hmmm, just a few minutes ago i made some phone call and it looks like im gona do something really crazy as soon as the snow goes away from the road...and this is stuff that i really cant wait for!

Happy Santa Claus day!

In Poland we celebrate the 6th of December as a 'Santa Claus day' ("Dzień Świetego Mikołaja"). I really like this day...The aura is great, christmas music all around and you can see 'Santa' at every corner... and get some sweets from him! We're buying a little gifts (or lots of sweets!) for kids and telling them stories about 'the real' Santa who lives in Lapland. Actually it's been always a dream for me to go there - someday I will! I also remember how much I loved this day as a child. I couldn't sleep all night coz I was always so curious 'what Santa will bring to me this year' - but in fact my mum almost every year bought me a small red skis, (which I loved) and I remember it was always surprise to me;).
This year, as I'm not child anymore, I've got just a chocolate Santa...and I'm eating it now;-)

ps I love living alone in my apartment but sometimes you just need a man in the hause. E.g. yesterday at night I noticed that there is something wrong with my heating. I had to call my dad and ask him for help. Of course he had been sleeping already so I woke him up. He took his car and came as soon as he could, then spent an hour or even more tried to make my heating works...He had done great job coz it finally worked but nevertheless I couldn't sleep whole night, I was freezing...........

Oh, good morning HANGOVER, I've been expecting you..

I am soooo hangover. It's almost 7 pm and I feel like I've been run over by a track...
Anyway, night was great and I do not regret anything. My best friend was visiting me and since we hadn't seen each other for ages we just couldn't not to drink!;-)
While we talked we were drinking wine, wiskey and polish lemon vodka called "cytrynówka", if you ever go to Poland, you must try it! (and "żubrówka" with aple juice!).

There is nothing better than meeting with a true friend, and even hangover is worth it!

winter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, I will tell u later how winter looks in my country;) let's say im busy right now ;-) :D

morning smile :)

nothing better than good coffee and positive music in the morning. two things that i couldn't live without...and unexpected trip to Krakow 2day! ...and i don't really care i supposed to study all day long..........................;)

keep smiling people!

"Borders?

I have never seen one.
But I have heard they exist in the minds of some people".

- Thor Heyerdahl


It's snowing!!!!!!!!!!! ;-)

waitin' time...

My friend asked me 2day how am I doing and... I started to complain... you know, as a woman I have to complain from time to time, but I notice I become so much polish! Gosh, I hate it. Here, in my country, people complain all the time for everything, noone is happy, sometimes I listen to them and thinking 'what the fuck is wrong with you!' ... so it scares me to death when I see myself as one of those people!

I consider myself as a very positive person and even if I feel down it doesn't take long time. Right now it's my 'waitin' time'. I'm waiting for my bro to come home, I haven't seen him for last 2 months and it's too long, life is so different (so full of positive things) when he is in town. I'm also waiting for winter - I want skiing! Or snowboarding, whatever... "I feel a need, the need for a speed!".... Yes, that's the most important thing, I just need to feel speed!!!

I was also thinking of past year and I can't complain, it was a good year:
1. The New Year Eve I spent in Torun - was amazing!
2. In February I visited Norway - was lovely!
3. In March I visited Cork - was crazy!
4. In June I left to Ireland again and spent there whole summer - visited some places and had great time with friends, met many new people from different countries and enjoyed every second ;-)
5. In September I went to Slovakia where I started bikind and felt in love with this sport!
6. In October I went to Helsinki and Stockholm and can't even describe how wonderful time I had there!

I aslo visited many places in Poland, met many nice people, ended up my first year at new school with great result, tried some 'profesional' photography and so on...

And again - I have many plans for future!
Prague in December, maybe Norway (skiing in Hemsedal sounds better than wondeful!) and Wales at the begging of new year (and Paris!!!), or just 'life trip' to Brazil... we'll see!

...and becouse I LOVE YOU,

I can't be selfish with you.

Finland - my LOVE, my HOME... coz nothing compares to you

It's been 15 hours since I landed at Warsaw airport and I'm feeling totally down...I can't explain why but I'm crazy in love with Finland... every step, every person, every little thing in Helsinki made me laugh like a crazy, made my heart beats faster, made me be the happiest person walking on this earth... And now, I'm laying in my bed, listening my 'finnish' song and wondering 'how the hell it happened?'. I've never been interested in this country, I've never thought 'bout learing finnish - even more - I think it's one of the hardest to learn languages ever and for me - impossible to adopt... I don't like cold and long winters, I don't have my family there and not even boyfriend, so what? What makes me be so crazy about this place? What makes me cry during every flight back to my country, what makes me feel 'finnish homesick' for next few days...? I will probably never find the answer...

happiness, all around happiness..

don't really know why but i'm feeling very happy. butterflies in my stomach, smile on my face. new studies, new apartment, new people, new hobbies. but also old and the same family, old and the same best friends. right time, right place. couldn't ask for more...maybe could? haha yeah, made some wish when saw a double rainbow, but it would be an extra benefit , very nice but not necessary benefit..;-)

Back at home! Happy:)

I'm back at home and I'm happy! Poland is a very weird country and there is a lot of stuff that drives me crazy here but in same cause I feel it's my home right now. And it will be for next year. Hope the last year...

one week, one weekend

Haven't write anything for a quite long time...I feel empty of the real emotion. I can't believe I started to be naive again, I started to believe again.. I can't believe it happened here, in the place where the real life doesn't exist. Last weekend opened my eyes. I've done some things just to see 'after effect' and I was dissapointed. But I quickly understood that was only my foult, being naive it's just a part of being me. Anyway, after seeing clearly what's going on here I decided go to home 2 weeks earlier. I don't give a shit about people that pretend to be my friends or to like me, coz that kind of friends you can always have more than 100, but what when you really need someone? The true is it's very difficult to find someone that really care about you here... (but fortunately I know it's possible:)).

Nowedays I'm really happy. I'm happy with my decision and can't wait to be back in my life. I love being here, I like meeting new people, I like partying with them, I like silly chatting and even clubing in electro disco (not too often!), but it's just how summer should look like, and now summer for me is over! One more week, one more weekend! I will miss it, but I know I can do something more productive than that :-)

alcohol - stress reaction or just inanity?

I've been here 4 weeks already and 2 times really drunk. Being in Ireland sober, especially during the weekend is a challenge, but it doesn't mean it's impossible. And it also doesn't mean that I have to be one of those drunk chicks that can't even walk to home after party. Anyway as I mentioned before this shit happend to me twice and I'm pretty sure it's already too much.
As I've noticed lately, I'm feeling older and wiser than a year ago, and for me such a behav is just not acceptable anymore. But there is one thing that I can't undestand... becouse if it's really not my life style anymore than why am I doing THIS? Why I am acting like a teen? Is it a stress reaction or is it just inanity? I understand I went through not an easy days lately, not an easy months, I had to went through not an easy situation and news but still... is it a good reason or is it just excuse?


But seriously, what could I except by coming back to Cork........? STUPID ME.

'Choosing one path means abandoning others - if you try to follow every possible path you will end up following none. I followed many paths in my "younger and more vulnerable years". But when you are young this attitude is a blessing - if you know when to stop.' - P. Coelho

'the zahir'

Pierwszą rzeczą na którą zwóciłam uwagę w moim 'starym' nowym pokoju po przylocie do Cork była półka przy łóżku. Rok temu, gdy wyjeżdżałam, zostawiłam tutaj kilka książęk i moje notatki z angielskiego. Jakież było moje zaskoczenie gdy wszystko to zastałam w stanie nienaruszonym w tej oto półce! Ale było jeszcze coś, książka P. Coelho "The Zahir". Od razu wiedziałam, że to nie przypadek. Po przeczytaniu książki nie mogłam uwierzyć, że takie zbiegi okoliczności istnieją, a jednak. Mój zahir zaczął się rok temu w Irlandii i tutaj sie skończył. Dziś. Trało to bardzo długo, pochłoneło bardzo dużo mojej energii, emocji, mojego życia. Męczyłam się. Jeszcze kilka dni temu nie rozumiałam nic. Towarzyszył mi tylko ZAHIR.

Czy dziś zrozumiałam? Na pewno zrozumiałam, że mój zahir nie musi być czyimś zahirem, na pewno zrozumiałam, że nie mogę nikogo obarczać odpowiedzialnością za moje stany emocjonalne, zrozumiałam, że każdy ma prawo do szukania szczęścia... gdziekolwiek i jakkolwiek.

Mimo wszstko nadal jestem bardzo emocjonalna, nadal wiele rzeczy mnie zbyt porusza, nie potrafię się zdystansować... Cork uczy mnie każdego dnia, uczy mnie czasami w sposób zabawny, czasami w sposób dobitny i dosłowny. Czasami nie znoszę tego miejsca, zachowania ludzi wokół, obojętnośći, pytań :"why not? anna, why not?"
A czasami po prostu nie znoszę siebie... bo niepotrafię odpowiedzieć na pytanie 'why not?'...

Najgorsze jest to, że mimo iż wokół jest mnóstwo ludzi, tak naprawdę jestem z tym sama. No bo jak obarczać moim poplątanym wnętrzem kogoś jeśli ja sama go nie rozumiem? Jedno wiem na pewno - nauczyłam się brać odpowiedzialność za swoje słowa i czyny, i nawet jeśli coś wydaję się być przeszłością nigdy nie możemy być pewni...pewnego dnia ta przeszłość może z hukiem powrócić...

Life is different nowedays - 'same day different shit'. I learn a lot every second day. I learn how to be a nice girl and a good friend...but the most important, I always try to be ME, even though I don't know who I am anymore... I'm lost.

touch a chord

too many remembrances in my head and in my heart..

'to ja ten sam, od tylu lat sam..
bo Ciebie mi brak, Ciebie mi brak'

tattoo meanings

I've got my first tattoo a few days before my 'come back' to Cork, Ireland. I've done a sign of Tibetan mantra OM. 'Om' drives away all worldly thoughts and removes distraction and infuses new vigour in the body. Also safe you from bad energy. This tattoo means a lot to me. Last weeks in Poland were pretty tough and I needed something that would make me believe that 'no matter what' everything's gonna be all right. And it does - I can feel it!
In the meantime I drew some ideas that jumped into my head. I am not an artist, I can't draw (ask me to draw f.x a christmas tree - have no clue how to do it!) but sometimes I just take a pencil and try to do my best. It's pretty difficult becouse I haven't got a pensil in my hand for last few years, had some reason and it took me long time to get over it. Right now I'm trying to move on and every my drawing means something to me, and also represents me, my emotions, my feelings at exactly 'this' moment.
When I packed my suitcase for my trip to Ireland the last stuff I took from my room was the paper with my drowings. I didin't know why but I wanted to have it. A couple days later, after hearing some stories and having a converstation about relationships I truly understood why I needed my drew stuff. Cork has been change a lot for last year, some new people, some new places.. many stories, many things happen every day. And you have to deal with it, you can't run away. And it's so easy to be lost... to be confused... to forgot what is the true meaning of life... And I have changed a lot too. I realized I'm not the same person that I used to be a year ago, I'm not THE crazy girl that 'don't care' but I became THE women that 'do care' and for who 'having fun' is not the most important part of life anymore. And every time when I'm in my room, looking at my drowings, I realize who I became to and I'm proud...

I already know how my next tattoo will look like - design by me. And I don't care about people asking: But what about your body in 20 years? Will you still like your tattoos? What will you tell your kids, grandkids?

... Becouse what if you're going to die 2day? ... there is no yesterday, no 2morrow... there is only here and now, so just live your life and that's it. Try to understand and let people choose their own way.

Tattoo may be your memento but also may indentify you as a person, may remember who you are and help realize how strong and worth personality you've got. May remember all shit you got through but also give you strength to stand even more... May be your private diary or an open book... and not everyone has to understand it.

I am a dreamer

A few days ago I found my old diaries, notebook and some fashion designs drew on the white paper...

I had 2 big dreams when I was a kid. At first I wanted to be a writer, later on I decided to become a fashion designer. Becouse I've always loved reading and writing I thought that being a writer is the best thing to do for me. In some way I was right (I write a blog nowdays! haha). I wrote many poems and started to write a very cool novel and a very funny book. Later on I felt in love with fashion, so I decided to become a fashion designer. Of course dreams are dreams and life is life and nowdays I am a student of pedagogy with some businness and photography studies behind me :-)

Anyway it's nice to have dreams and momories and that's why I decided to read all of those poems and old diaries, and peek at my old fashion designs 2day...

I had so much fun! The poems are sooo bad, believe me! But I am very positive surprise coz my novel and book are pretty cool! I was about 17 when I started to write the book, it supposed to be a funny story about teen girl and her life. And I have to say - it is! I laughed when I read it, my sense of humour was pretty cool when I was a teen!
The novel is about a teen girl too but written in totally different style...can't believe how 'mentally serious' I was at those days. Amazing... I saw 2part of me: one - very funny girl with a great temper and always ready for fun and all kind of adventures, and the second one - young but very inteligent, serious and kinda misterious...I love both of them!
And the fashion designs...hm, some of them are pretty cool but some - nothing SPECIAL. I like the way my fantasy worked at those times. It was a very long and kinda tough story related with 'dream of becoming a fashion designer' but 2day all those bad memories are just 'shadow memories of my past life', and I know It was worth to try.

It is so easy to be a dreamer when we are kids, but even if our dreams are only in our head and life changes everything it's nice to stop sometimes and do 'flashback'. We can always learn something new about ourselfs..

I can see the sun!

Drinking coffee, listening good 'chill' music and looking through the window...I can see the sun! Im happy.

My new destinations: Cork - ... - Helsinki...

Girl, Interrupted

Got a feeling to write 'bout something.. something hides deep inside me.. something that exists but never shows up.. but I can't. don't know how.
Wondering: is it a life or a dream make me feel miserable? if it is a life then...hm, well...then it means I am fucked up. but if it is a dream then it's still hope I'll wake up some morning just with a shadowy memorial of a shity dream..

nonono...it can't be life. My life is beautiful...( was beautiful? )

...and just got interruped some time ago...by a bad dream.

YES.

Im pretty sure it's just a dream. and I am just a girl in the middle of this shit - not even real girl, in the middle of not even real shit. Girl, Interruped.

FLOOD...

Pics taken by my friend from her home. This is reality here - in south Poland. And it's not funny anymore, it's still rainning, more or less but all the time...

"Follow me"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izU1dDwnuMY - "Follow me" trailer! I watched the movie 2day and it was awesome! Guys are totally crazy! oh, yes, I forgot notice - this is mountain bike film, if you like eXtreme sports it is probably for you :-)

After this movie I realized one more time there is nothing greater in life than make money doing what you love and travel, at least for me :-). I realized I'm missing trevelling a lot! Especially now, when the weather here is so bad, all towns around are "under the water"... And there is so many places that I would love to see: New Zeland, Asia, Australia, Jamaica, Iceland, the north part of Norway and Finland, Russia, Siberia and many many more! Unfortunately I'm feeling stuck here and it's driving me crazy... the worst thing is I have no clue what to do with my summer break, have some ideas but just don't know what would be the best for me. It's all about money! :( I hate it. But I truly believe I am already in a good place - 2 more years and I will be free to do what I dream about and than maybe 2-3 more years and I will say: 'I used to dream about the life I'm living now' haha :-) and if not? no drama, I am very flexible person... but I know what I want and it's good beginning :-)

look at me!

The pic would be better if I would be prettier but at least I am clever! haha am I?

sky is the limit!

It's been pretty tough week but 2day I am proud of myself :-) I did a good job at school last week and I am pretty sure it's gonna be even better! My ambition woke up a bit late, but fortunately - not too late!
So after study hard all week I decide took one day off and just relax in some nice way. Fortunately my bro got his supper dupper extra bike last week so we went to the mountains. It was great! Bike is totally awesome, I got a ride and coulnd't believe how cool this bike is! I met some guys and as I was only one girl they were very nice to me :-) And, oh - I met The Master of Poland - Grzegorz Zieliński, he is awesome, he 'flu' over the path..
I love mountains! Of course I love sea and sand and breeze but I can't imagine to live far from mountains.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I was so surprised when I saw the place we went to - so beautiful and so much like my beloved NORWAY! Unfortunately the weather wasn't that good-too much fog, so I couldn't take any good pic, hopefully next time :-) Poland is beautiful.

I have to say one more thing - LIFE IS AMAZING but I am sure you guys know it!

But if you wanna know why I am so positive I will tell you... SKY IS THE LIMIT! And it's so true!
Just let your mind believe it ;-)

a bit dissapointed

I had a plan: 'work for all summer, safe money and then take a trip to Thailand, India or Nepal'. But yesterday evening I realized that maybe I could go to Asia as a vonlontarii. It would be even better for me coz I'd radher do something really helpfuly than entertiment children in some 5 stars hotel in Egipt or Tunesia... Anyway I'm checking the opportunities right now and it looks bad. I can't afford volontarii job right now. I knew it cost me some money, but didn't know it cost A LOT! I think it is a bit weird/crazy that you have to have money if you want to do something good for people that really need it, but at least I try to understand.

Anyway it made me a bit dissapointed... but I just got a couple of little buddhism things from Nepal, a book "The light of Yoga" by B.K.S. IYENGAR - one of the best books about yoga on the market, and 'zafu' - traditional meditation cushion, so believe me or not I'm flying from happiness! Meditates are so comfy now!

And you know what guys? It is truly amazing but I had an edification last night! Couldn't sleep so decide to meditate a bit and focus my mind and it was a good decision. I understood something that was bothering me for last weeks,. OH and it makes me happy.I'm feeling totally free from 'feelings and thoughts' and I like it very much! I can finally focus on my studies, my passion, my dreams and hopes and do not miss anything, this is very important to me. Sometimes you just have to suffer a bit in the beggining to not being hurt more later... THANKS BUDHHA FOR MEDITATE!

Being a Gypsy

I'm sitting in my room on the floor coz I still don't have a bed... It's actually weird, but lately I can see that my happiness and my comfi isn't important to me at all, but I would give a lot to others if I know those things make them happy... It's crazy weather right know, birds are singing but it's going to be storm soon, I can hear thunders...and I love it!
After a very surprisingly exam on Friday and great weekend in Krakow with Nat I have many thoughts in my mind...Last weeks were pretty tough to me, and before talk with my prof and then Nat, I felt a bit down. It's been a bit over 5 months since my very best grandma passed away and I was thinking about her a lot. I miss her every day, but at days like those 'very tough days' I am missing her as hell... She was the strongest women I have ever knew. You could love her or hate her, but never being neutral. She sucrificed A LOT for her love - my grandpa, and for her children. She was the fighter. I remember her last night like it was yesterday. I remember her inert body laying on the floor, the doctor unhopeful eyes and my feelings...I had always a very strong connetion with her, I didin't need to hear ' sorry, grandma is dead' coz I knew it before...
The second sad thing is that my grandpa is very sick and it is very difficult to visiting him and stay ok... to not cry. It's pretty hard look at someone's you love death. And it's pretty hard put on your face mask called 'I am the strongest, no matter what - I will surrvive' just becouse you know people expect it from you and they need you. But this is a time when you can really figure out what is important to you and I guess sometimes we all need something that will push us to change the situation we are stuck in.
The last thing that made me a bit sad and confused last time is 'something inside me that turning back over and over again' and I can't help myself. I would like pack my suitcase and go far, far away but I know I can't. And from previous experience - I know it doesn't help. You can't go away from your feelings, it would be too easy...and I am not the person who run away when some problems came - at least - not anymore.

Anyway I have to say I AM THE LUCKY ONE. Always when I feel down I meet the person who helping me. And on Friday, when I had a very tough exam, very bad night behind me and I was pretty scared and felt like a shit - my prof told me a few important things that totally change my way of thinking. And there is nothing better than a good prof who believe in you, not only as a his pupil, but also as a person.

And then the weekend with Nat. She is one of the best person I have ever met, and probably the nicest on earth! Since I miss traveling so much, I was very happy I could leave my home town for a while and visited Krakow - the most beautiful and charming city in Poland. After a very long talk with Nat about life, love, happiness, our dreams and worries, plans and hopes I understood how lucky am I. I am happy with who I am and this is very important to me. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. I don't have to act 'crazy' (stupid) every night to be sure I am a cool girl - becouse I simply know that and don't need confirm it in that way. And even I can't run away from things that make me sad, I understand - 'this is the life'. I think my granma would be proud of me right now. She always said I am a gypsy - and I am pretty sure she was right. I probably got it from her. I can't live in one place. I love knowing new people and discovering new places. I am open and broad minded and always curious about new things. I love travel more than anything else. Sometimes it scares me coz I am not sure if I would be able to have a normal family... But I shouldn't wonder about it too much! There is still so many places to visit, so many people to meet, so many pic to take and emotions to catch and so many stories to hear...and this is what I love :-) And this is what keep me going every day with a smile on my face!:) And of course my family and friends - it's amazing that some people come to my country just becouse they know me and they want to see Poland and how people live here. I am pretty sure there is nothing more I could dream about!

'Cause I'm a gypsy are you coming with me?
I might steal your clothes and wear them if they fit me
Never made agreements just like a gypsy
And I won't back down 'cause life's already bit me
And I won't cry I'm too young to die if you're gonna quit me
'Cause I'm gypsy

...

I haven't slept for more than 30 hours... but I am feeling ok. Right now I just can't sleep. My neighbour's dog barks all the time and it doesn't help.. .anyway - my mind is too busy for sleep... I went for the barbecue party yesterday to the girl I met long time ago in Business School. It wasn't a big party, just a few people, and it was nice...but I've realized something and it made me a bit sad..

...I made a mistake some time ago...
...you don't appreciate something until you lose it...
... if you find something/someone/ unique in your life - be happy and try to keep it as long as possible...

and now I am going to do something productive! :-)

late b-day beers and Diverse Downhill Contest:-) oh, I am busy girl!

It's windy and cloudy now, and it's going to be storm very soon I think...so it's good time to tell you about my lovely weekend! On Saturday my very best polish friend visited me. As we both were very busy earlier, I couldn't see her at my b-day. But fortunately we met at the weekend and I got very nice gift - wine, chocolate and a green frog that suppose to become my 'prince' when I kiss her...should I try? We drunk beers out, the weather was great and I finally could talk with someone who think about world and life the way I do... And on Sunday I went with my bro to Wisła - nice polish town, where we watched the Downhill mountain bike racing - was great! I'm truly in love with this sport and can't wait when my bro get his supper dupper brand new bike! And I realized how much I miss my "norwegian sykkel's adventures" ... But now it's time to study hard and in 2 weeks Nat is comming and we are going to hit the Krakow's Clubs! And one more thing - I got invitation for a home party next weekend, of course I said 'yes, I will be there' but I'm not sure if it's good idea...anyway, we will see:-)

Living in my home town after a few years abround is pretty hard. I don't like the way polish people think, and sometimes I do not like the way they act. Poland is a lovely and charming country and people are nice but... this is an ilussion that you can see when you are the visitor, when you live here - you have a different opinion. The only positive think that keep me going nowedays is summer break and hope I will go abroud... I need this feeling when you know you are FREE.. becouse, I'm afraid I'm lying myself.

And I don't have a bed in my room so I have to sleep on the floor! I don't have even a mattress! But I don't give a shit, who cares about stuff like BED?! haha

what a day! what a day!

wohooo!

It's been a day from "Dzień Świra" (polish real genius movie), totally crazy... so, I had a test from german and I translated everything...into NORWEGIAN! Since I study norwegian there is "no room in my brain" for german haha...yeah, but it's not funny. When I realized I have no clue how to do it in german I just stopped doing anything and of course my professor asked what is wrong with me (I was pretty good with german before). I said I can't do it in german but I can do it in norwegian if she wish :-) She was pretty intrerested where and how I get 'such an exotic language' and so on...
Later on I had an exam from computer technology and I just hate technology... I guess there is no person in this world who knows less about computers, TV's or phones than me!

And some other shit happened but I just decided let it go... and day isn't over yet!

Anyway I don't give a shit and right now I'm drinking 'so very tasty' beer and watching "The Simpsons" - I LOVE THEM!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dbDJzDV1CM check this out!

ah...and I'm in mood to dance lately! I miss my super dupper fancy Oslo Club's and and the best ever restaurant by the sea... I miss the feeling when you know you look good...I miss high heels, sexy dresses and Scandi boys hahaha... but I will go for it... soon!

I don't give a shit

I'm turning 26 today...I think this means I have to go and get a real job now. I think this means I should fold and iron my clothes after they come out of the dryer. Probably I should change stuff in my wardrobe and buy some 'adult' clothes as my mum says. By all rights, I should be married by now and thinking about what to name the kids I haven't conceived as yet. Hmmm. Something Bohemian. Something clever. Something original. But not too obscure so as to make his/ her life hell in middle school. So maybe - Sunniva or Tarja for a girl but for a boy? Don't know... hm, maybe Dag or Arjan? Or maybe just a lovely polish 'Jaś' and 'Małgosia'?
No. I am not quite there yet. The laundry is warm and welcoming when you wear it straight out of the dryer and I love my clothes and the fact I wear sneakers every day...

But I guess I should have numerous questions running through my mind like what will happen to me? What is expected of me? What should I already be doing? Some people think the answer is important becouse 'You're not getting any yonger and any prettier, be serious!'

But you know what? I don't give a shit. I'm still taking things one day at a time. I am eagerly waiting to face the surprises which life has for me this year. I don't feel 26. It's just a number. And the fact that I am that old doesn't make me have palpitations. I feel good! :-)

"the most tragic event of the country's post-war history"

'Polish President Lech Kaczynski was killed early Saturday along with his wife, several top military officials, and the head of the national bank when their plane crashed at a western Russian airport, there are no survivers.'

'97 people were aboard the government plane, including 88 members of a Polish delegation en route to commemorate Poles killed in mass murders in the town of Katyn under orders from Soviet leader Josef Stalin in 1940.'

You never know what's going to happen from one moment to the next... so keep a moment, be happy you are ALIVE, and do your best right here right now! Love and make people happy, smile and give them as much positive energy as you can, inspire them and help when they need... but let them live their own life...and remember - every moment may be the last one.

Juliet :-)

Julia - my sister's daughter - most wonderful baby ever! Every time I see her I smile:) She gives me so much positive energy, love and happiness. One of the reasons why I am happy living in Poland again:-)

every second

I hate those bad dreams...I hate those bad news... I wanna soak up every single second of my life! I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away anymore! I want to try even if it might hurts me someday...I wanna FEEL... I want to love every second no matter how hard it may be!

Got a lovely message!

... from my Brazilian friend Juliana:-). I met her in Ireland and she is one of the most important people I've met there. She is always positive and full of energy but the most important thing is - I just know I can count on her in every situation! I haven't seen her since June last year and I MISS HER SO MUCH!!! And we both totally believe in our energy :-) Becouse, as I used to say : my heart belong to Scandinavia but my soul is Brazilian!

LOVE

After long talk with the very best person I just can't stop thinking about LOVE...What does "falling in love" mean? Or what it means "to love someone"? And the question that's bothering me the most - what LOVE means to me? Would I be able to sucrifice myself for love?

Just a few weeks ago I said "I would do anything for love... and... I would sacrifice anything for unconditional love" ...but 2day? I'm still looking for the answer...and I'm wondering what "anything" means?

I don't believe in "crazy love" coz I know the line between love and craziness is very thin...and it's easy to cross the border...and I do not believe in words, coz it's easy to say them...
BUT
I am able to believe in "mature, adult love" with TRUST and UNDERSTANDING... and I do believe in "no matter what you say but who you are and how you act..."

...and just a few days ago I have written on this blog "I do not believe in love anymore"...but now I'm wondering...maybe I believe in love but don't believe in people? Love is all around - love is easy...but people make it complicated.
We can't fight for love, we can't take it easy...we make mistakes and we regret them quickly...trying to right the wrong but sometimes it's just too late... becouse the truth is it's not enough to find the RIGHT PERSON, but the place and the time need to be RIGHT too...

Nowadays I am sure I wouldn't be able to sucrifice my passions, my dreams and the way I am and how I see the world for love... but still - I could do A LOT - but the question is: does true love mean to sacrifice for someone we love?

HOPE

The only feeling I am affraid of right now is HOPE... don't wanna get my hopes up too much...

bye bye my finnish spirit...

OH! I am feeling lonely! Empty bed and no more finnish spirit around me...no more lovely finnish accent and silly chitchat! Emma left yesterday and I already miss her so much! She is such a positive girl, very open and "not finnish at all" haha. It's great feeling when you welcome foreign friend in your own country! I was a bit afraid at the beginning, coz I know how Finland looks and how different Poland is, but...Emma left totally in love with Poland, polish food, polish guys(!) and even my polish family:-). Everything what looks poor to me looked charming to her, she truly understand polish history - 50 years of communism, and always says "Poland isn't worst, just different" so even I have to believe her :-). She visited Warsaw, Krakow, Auschwitz, my home village and some others places... It's good that she could see not only the nicest and richest towns but the poorest and oldest parts of Poland as well.

My family liked her so much and now my mum is in love with finnish people:-) ... and still keep asking me who next gonna visit us! I was very positive surprised coz even if my parents can't speak english, they were very nice, open and treated Emma as their own daughter. I know those few days mean a lot to Emma and it makes me even more happy!

And the time with my friend, travelling around Poland and discovering my country once again, helped me realize how lucky am I. My life is great! I have many friends around the world, many memoirs, many places that I have been visited and I love and even more that I still would like to visit! I have great family that I can always count on and finally study stuff that truly interested me:) I fulfilled most of my dreams, and the most important - I can afford a weekend trip to my beloved Oslo, Cork, Helsinki or other destination when I am surrounded by reality that I am tired of...How could I ask for more?!

The Lucky One.

I'm lying in my empty bed... surrounded by burning candles...listening "This is the life" and thinking...about life. I am The Lucky One. I'm laughing when I am happy, I'm crying when I am sad...I'm feeling I am ALIVE. And I'm happy with who I am :-)

The feeling

I know the feeling when you would like to change your life but you just can't...
I know the feeling when the person you love rejects you without any reason...
I know the feeling when one of the most important people in your life passed away and left you totally alone...
I know the feeling when you want to help someone who needs your help more than ever but you just can't find any way...
I know the feeling when youre sure you just don't belong to this world coz youre surrounded by totally different people...
I know the feeling when your world explodes into millions pieces and you can’t find any motivation to live...


But also

I know the feeling when you know you mean something to someone...:-)
I know the feeling when after hard work your dreams become true...:-)
I know the feeling when your heart explodes from happiness and you're sure you can “touch the sky” and "impossible in nothing"...:-)
I know the feeling when you hear first word or see first step of a little human...or when you hear “I love you, you can be my nanny”...:-)
I know the feeling when after long time looking for place you belong to you have finally found it...:-)
And I know the feeling when someone tells you “you are my ray of light” – and this mean A LOT to me...:-)

Life includes amazing moments but unfortunately the sad ones as well. We all have made some mistakes, but there is still hope…I truly believe we learn about those and they make us not only wiser but also stronger :-).

being a friend

I do not have many friends...but I know I am a friend to many people...and it's nice to know you mean something to someone :-)

TO BE or TO HAVE

My professor told me 2day the very important sentence : " I had time when I was VERY rich but then, in one week, I lost everything...and it was the best and the most important moment in my life".

TO BE or TO HAVE?
I have chosen the first one.

the story of her life

Once upon a time there was a girl...full of love and positive energy...people loved her and she loved people. She's been living in small village for all her childhood but she wasn't 100% happy... she was like a betterfly without wings there.. At her 18 she decided to leave the village as soon as she finish her school, what she did. She was travelling, meeting people, doing crazy but positive stuff. She belonged to world and loved her life. She was free...and then about time she needed to move again. But before that, she decided to visit home for a little while. The trip took few days and it was the most wonderful time in her life. She met a guy and she felt into him. Unfortunately they both realized the trip is going to end very soon. He had his plans, and she couldn't change hers...but they really like each other so decided to keep in touch. Week after week she likes him more...counted the days till see him again...And one day when she truly realized how much she is into him...but there was a little thing, little stupid thing that she forgot about... At the same day the guy told her that he doesn't want to know her anymore...her heart exploded into milion pieces...after some time, when she could catch her breatch again, she realized the only thing she needs now is her family. The best family ever. She decided to go home... but even there, she felt lost. She couldn't stay - it was too diffcult to her - she had to go away... chose one of the countries that she never wanted to go before. She wanted stay away from people, parties and any opportunity to meet cool guys. She didin't want to be in love again... but the place she had chosen for her new life was wonderful and she met many nice folks... she started trevelling and going out.. and of course she couldn't stay away from guys.. she met many nice guys but liked just one. A guy she could talk with, guy with good personality and pasions.. And everything would be great but... there was still one problem - her past. Soon she realized that the feeling she had before it was NOTHING , but at the same time she couldn't forget how hard it might be at the end.. so she missed her change to be happy again and later on couldn't understand why she was so stupid...it took her a long time to realized she wasn't stupid at all...she just wanted safe her heart...but probably chose the wrong way to do it...

This story is sad but might be a good lesson of life. Past always influence our present and future. But we shouldn't been stuck there. We are looking for a love but at the same time we are afraid of getting hurt...and probably this is a reason why people are choosing one night stand insted of normal relationship...

Life Without Secrets

I've been visiting Cork for last 6 days but now I'm finally at home. 6 days... and that's enough for me. I'm not enough strong to stay there longer. I remember how I felt few months ago when I had to leave Ireland. I was sad, utter disappointed, confused...and then my first weeks in Poland...probably the worst time in my life...only sadness...so I was a bit worry what might happen when all these memories come back to me...But I was ok, and my friends were there with me...:-).
It was a good time but it was a difficult time as well. I'm very happy I saw my friends again and all those places that I used to love in Cork. But I couldn't imagine to be part of this life again. Life without any secrets, life where things happen and be sure you will find out everything soon or later... life where noone is taking responsibility for words, behav.. and no matter if somebody gets hurt.

I've been traveling a lot for last 5 years, I've lived with many different people, I have seen how people act when they love to much and what they can do when they really hate... and even if I don't believe in love anymore, I still keep trying to believe in people...even if it's hard sometimes...

But I really care about my friends, and no matter what happened or what is going to happen, friendship is the most important thing to me and if you need me I am here for you guys! Always.