Tuesday, June 29, 2010

touch a chord

too many remembrances in my head and in my heart..

'to ja ten sam, od tylu lat sam..
bo Ciebie mi brak, Ciebie mi brak'

Saturday, June 26, 2010

tattoo meanings

I've got my first tattoo a few days before my 'come back' to Cork, Ireland. I've done a sign of Tibetan mantra OM. 'Om' drives away all worldly thoughts and removes distraction and infuses new vigour in the body. Also safe you from bad energy. This tattoo means a lot to me. Last weeks in Poland were pretty tough and I needed something that would make me believe that 'no matter what' everything's gonna be all right. And it does - I can feel it!
In the meantime I drew some ideas that jumped into my head. I am not an artist, I can't draw (ask me to draw f.x a christmas tree - have no clue how to do it!) but sometimes I just take a pencil and try to do my best. It's pretty difficult becouse I haven't got a pensil in my hand for last few years, had some reason and it took me long time to get over it. Right now I'm trying to move on and every my drawing means something to me, and also represents me, my emotions, my feelings at exactly 'this' moment.
When I packed my suitcase for my trip to Ireland the last stuff I took from my room was the paper with my drowings. I didin't know why but I wanted to have it. A couple days later, after hearing some stories and having a converstation about relationships I truly understood why I needed my drew stuff. Cork has been change a lot for last year, some new people, some new places.. many stories, many things happen every day. And you have to deal with it, you can't run away. And it's so easy to be lost... to be confused... to forgot what is the true meaning of life... And I have changed a lot too. I realized I'm not the same person that I used to be a year ago, I'm not THE crazy girl that 'don't care' but I became THE women that 'do care' and for who 'having fun' is not the most important part of life anymore. And every time when I'm in my room, looking at my drowings, I realize who I became to and I'm proud...

I already know how my next tattoo will look like - design by me. And I don't care about people asking: But what about your body in 20 years? Will you still like your tattoos? What will you tell your kids, grandkids?

... Becouse what if you're going to die 2day? ... there is no yesterday, no 2morrow... there is only here and now, so just live your life and that's it. Try to understand and let people choose their own way.

Tattoo may be your memento but also may indentify you as a person, may remember who you are and help realize how strong and worth personality you've got. May remember all shit you got through but also give you strength to stand even more... May be your private diary or an open book... and not everyone has to understand it.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I am a dreamer

A few days ago I found my old diaries, notebook and some fashion designs drew on the white paper...

I had 2 big dreams when I was a kid. At first I wanted to be a writer, later on I decided to become a fashion designer. Becouse I've always loved reading and writing I thought that being a writer is the best thing to do for me. In some way I was right (I write a blog nowdays! haha). I wrote many poems and started to write a very cool novel and a very funny book. Later on I felt in love with fashion, so I decided to become a fashion designer. Of course dreams are dreams and life is life and nowdays I am a student of pedagogy with some businness and photography studies behind me :-)

Anyway it's nice to have dreams and momories and that's why I decided to read all of those poems and old diaries, and peek at my old fashion designs 2day...

I had so much fun! The poems are sooo bad, believe me! But I am very positive surprise coz my novel and book are pretty cool! I was about 17 when I started to write the book, it supposed to be a funny story about teen girl and her life. And I have to say - it is! I laughed when I read it, my sense of humour was pretty cool when I was a teen!
The novel is about a teen girl too but written in totally different style...can't believe how 'mentally serious' I was at those days. Amazing... I saw 2part of me: one - very funny girl with a great temper and always ready for fun and all kind of adventures, and the second one - young but very inteligent, serious and kinda misterious...I love both of them!
And the fashion designs...hm, some of them are pretty cool but some - nothing SPECIAL. I like the way my fantasy worked at those times. It was a very long and kinda tough story related with 'dream of becoming a fashion designer' but 2day all those bad memories are just 'shadow memories of my past life', and I know It was worth to try.

It is so easy to be a dreamer when we are kids, but even if our dreams are only in our head and life changes everything it's nice to stop sometimes and do 'flashback'. We can always learn something new about ourselfs..

Saturday, June 5, 2010

I can see the sun!

Drinking coffee, listening good 'chill' music and looking through the window...I can see the sun! Im happy.

My new destinations: Cork - ... - Helsinki...

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Girl, Interrupted

Got a feeling to write 'bout something.. something hides deep inside me.. something that exists but never shows up.. but I can't. don't know how.
Wondering: is it a life or a dream make me feel miserable? if it is a life then...hm, well...then it means I am fucked up. but if it is a dream then it's still hope I'll wake up some morning just with a shadowy memorial of a shity dream..

nonono...it can't be life. My life is beautiful...( was beautiful? )

...and just got interruped some time ago...by a bad dream.


Im pretty sure it's just a dream. and I am just a girl in the middle of this shit - not even real girl, in the middle of not even real shit. Girl, Interruped.